Sports Reporter Struggles With Basic Anatomy

Veteran Sports Journalist, Neville Neverscoop has confidently demonstrated a lack of basic anatomical knowledge again. Following this weekend’s clash between the highflying Bayside Brawlers and the energetic Eastern Suburbs Snowsnorters, Mr Neverscoop, who is employed by a rival media organisation, reported on several key injuries sustained during the match.We have manage to obtain excerpts of his match report.

“In the 7th minute, the Snowsnorter’s star recruit for 2020, Dallyn Disco-Biscotti got his leg twisted in what was initially thought to be a compound stress fracture of the fibia (sic) but was later diagnosed as a syndesmosis”, wrote Mr Neverscoop.

Mr Neverscoop’s reporting of the diagnosis of “syndesmosis”, while disheartening for Disco-Biscotti, and essentially meaningless for every Physiotherapist across the nation, pleased the sports media fraternity who are renowned for jumping at any opportunity to say the word “syndesmosis” in a live interview. Mr Neverscoop went on to report other incidents with the match.

“In the 32nd minute, the Brawler’s widerunning backrower and enforcer, Gary Gotanotheravo, got a taste of his own medicine when he copped a high shot and fell heavily onto his shoulder, suffering a grade II stinger in his rotational cuff (sic). The injury capped off a disappointing return to the top grade for the AVO specialist, who was hoping for some luck having missed the passed twelve weeks with osteitis pubis and an unrelated assault charge linked to his last visit to the pub”.

It’s rumoured that Gotanotheravo’s osteitis pubis was in fact a case of the relatively less impressive to pronounce condition known as a “groin strain”, but that in the honourable interest of self-aggrandisement, Neverscoop’s reporting favoured the more fancier sounding terminology. Interestingly, the viable alternative, adductor tendinopathy was overlooked. One can only assume that the risk of a pronunciation error was unacceptably high.

While our reporter has taken care to report accurately on Mr Neverscoop’s anatomical ignorance, Mr Neverscoop himself has not taken kindly to criticism. We have it on good authority that Mr Neverscoop has claimed that if it wasn’t for his posteriorly horny meniscus and osgood schnitzels in his knee, he would not hesitate to chase our reporter down and give him a piece of his cranium.